Happy birthday to me

It was a very happy day for 2 reasons.
1st: sun came out for the very first time after full week of rain
2nd – and most important – I got to spend it at home with my beautiful baby girl. AT HOME, not in hospital – like in previous 2 years.

2012 I spend all day, till late evening, alone, glued to incubator. I didn’t feel like talk to anyone, didn’t wanna go home. Just sat and stare at this tiny body surrounded by cables and pipes… it was my worst birthday ever. Not only cos i felt lonely as no one remember ( it was kinda obvious all friend and family were worried about S. and its just slipped their memory), but mainly cos I felt so helpless. So helpless and useless…like there is nothing I could do to make my lil girl feel better. I could just pray and be there for her. Nothing else.
 2013 i spend also in hospital but in complete different situation.  S. was recovering from her 4th surgery-  closure of ileostomy – and just a day earlier she did her first ever poo into nappy ( yay !!!). So compare to previous year we were in different world.
And this year finally i get to spend birthday at home. with S., in much better condition. We went for a walk and play outside. watching her running and laughing made me smile. i couldn’t be any happier.
I’m so grateful for that. Am I afraid what the future will bring?  Id lie if I say no. Yes, i do. But looking back today made me think that it doesn’t matter. No matter what fate have planed for us – we will go trough it – just like we did before. S. is a fighter. She is a lil Rambo. Her smile every morning is a best thing in the world
Love you loads S.
You are my best gift ever.

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